Today I left early for my ENG 102 class to stop by Target with some questions I had about my job application. Well I timed my arival all wrong, because once I finished my business there I was worried I wouldn't have enough time to run and stop by one other place downtown, but at the same time I had an hour with nothing to do. I couldn't go home cause that would take me twenty minutes to get home just to turn around and head back to class, not to mention a waste on gas, and with those prices rising....not happening.
So I decided I could walk around a few stores before heading to class. I couldn't go back into Target though, since I had just been in there what would all those people be thinking about me, wondering why I left just to come right back in. So Target was competely out of the question.
I instead went into two clothing stores and looked at all the nice clothes I could not afford to buy. So after hitting the sales racks (which were still out of my price range...did I mention I'm broke?) I quickly left those stores only to climb back into my car, look at the clock, and ponder over this extra time I still had to waste...I mean "productively use".
Suddenly while sitting in my car I got this sudden craving for root beer, my all time favorite soft drink. Shockingly this desire was so strong I actually looked in my wallet to see if I possibly had a single dollar left, low and behold I did! In fact I had eight dollars to my name, sigh I felt so rich at that moment, I could actually buy something if I wanted to, what freedom I had. Now I just had to decide where to get this root beer - but wait just then I had these thoughts run through my mind.
"Should I really spend my money on a drink I really didn't need? You can't even have drinks in the computer lab at class; besides, maybe I should save this money for something later. But still I haven't bought anything for myself in a while, it wouldn't hurt to get myself a drink, besides....it's rooooooot beeeeeeeer." (Yes the voice in my head dragged out the words "root beer".)
So yes I settled on getting myself a drink, but where? Target was right over there close by, but Walmart was also just across the street. I decided against Target, still worried about what all those people would be thinking about my quick return. (Yes I know I think to much about what people might be thinking, I've got issues ok?)
So it was official, Walmart was my root beer destination. Of course once I pulled up and waited for the light to change I saw a gas station right next to me that I could have pulled into, but it didn't matter, soon I would be at Walmart then all my problems would be solved. Wouldn't you know it though, I walked down looking at all the little drink spots at the registers and not a single one had a root beer. I was really regretting not going into that gas station now. So I turned around and walked back the entire line of of the check out registers, again wondering what people were thinking who watched me walk all the way in and down just to turn back around and walk right out of the store.
On my way out I was temporaraly distracted by the amazing smell coming from Subway. But I turned my head and contiuned my walk of shame out the door, sigh...but wait! Just as I was leaving I saw the coke machines - you know the ones that are inside the building but not truly inside? Yes those. So I contemplated whether or not the root beer was still worth it, it was, then I proceed to scan the machines for a root beer.
The first one? No. The second one? No. The third one? No. By this time I'm starting to think I was really not supposed to have a root beer today.
The fourth one? Yes! My efforts were not in vain. I get another quick flash of doubt about buying the root beer, but quickly toss it to the side as I pull out my wallet.
"$1.25...well, it is a whole bottle so I guess it's worth it."
I stick my first dollar into the machine and it is quickly eaten, then I look around to see if I can find a quarter but with no luck, all I could find were two nickles and a hand full of pennies.
"Seriously?"
So I sadly pull out another dollar, and apologize for having to break it. I stick the dollar into the machine...but it wont eat it. I'm quite shocked because who on earth wouldn't take money, but as we all know these coke machines are notorious for such acts. Anyway this dollar was just as wrinkled as the first one it ate. So I put that one up and grab my other dollar which was surprisingly new and crisp. I admire that new dollar for about three seconds before sticking it into the machine. Again it would not eat it! I gave it a new dollar and everything and it just stood there and stared at me.
By now I'm starting to wonder what the other people are thinking about me standing here so long.
Compeletly fed up with the machine, I push the "return change" button so I can grab my money and leave....nothing happens. I push it again but this time I held down the button. Finally it spit out my money, well half of it, I only got two quarters. I'm wondering if there was some secret return fee I didn't know about? Well anyway, I was mad so I decided I would at least get my drink from this machine since it ate my money.
So i put in my other dollar, (which this time it did eat) and one of those quarters and thankfully it gave me my drink. Sadly though I ended up having to pay $1.75 for a drink that only cost $1.25.
From there I climbed back into my car and headed on to my class.Even with all of that I still sat in the parking lot for about 20 minutes till my class started. I did drink all of my root beer, and enjoyed it the best I could. I had to work hard for that drink, so even if I didn't really enjoy it I had to pretend I did, it's the whole principle of the matter.
Sarah
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Friends
I have been thinking about my friends lately, not the people I just hang out with on occasion or see in class. No, I'm talking about those who are closest to me, who know my deepest secrets and who I want to spend all my time with. I've counted up my most closest friends and I came up with four, and this is not counting my boyfriend cause he is much more than a friend. :)
I have lots of other friends who I talk with and share things, but not as much as these four. I love these people, some I have known as little as a year and others for years. My friends are absolutly amazing and I'm so glad God brought them in my life.
The one thing I wish is that all my friends new each other, that we could all hang out and just enjoy ourselves, goofing off and doing stuff together. Like if my church had a youth group then I could probably have that, but almost all of my close and closest friends I met at camp. So when we are at camp we can all hang out and talk and have a great time. This also means though that we are often from different places so I don't really get to see them a lot and we don't really all get to hang out.
It's funny because my closests friends and my boyfriend all live in different towns, only one lives in the same town as me. One of my friends is even all the way across the country at college, so her and I don't get to talk much but we do email when we can to stay in touch, I do miss her and our long late night talks that lasted to 3 am.
My friend who lives in town here in town I will randomly drop by to see and just chill for a while. Another friend we mostly just text or talk on Skype sometimes. One other friend I have grown really close to lately. God just brought her in my life right when we needed each other. We send long emails to each other or will talk on Skype. We hope to start being able to hang out more, cause she is one of those friends I can have a real heart to heart talk with about everything. Our lives are very much a like which is kind of weird but really amazing too, cause it has helped us be able to help each other through whatever we are going to.
So yes, I thank God for my friends, He has brought them all into my life right at the time when I needed them. They have helped me grow and I don't know what I would do without them. My friends are competely amazing and I love them all.
Sarah
I have lots of other friends who I talk with and share things, but not as much as these four. I love these people, some I have known as little as a year and others for years. My friends are absolutly amazing and I'm so glad God brought them in my life.
The one thing I wish is that all my friends new each other, that we could all hang out and just enjoy ourselves, goofing off and doing stuff together. Like if my church had a youth group then I could probably have that, but almost all of my close and closest friends I met at camp. So when we are at camp we can all hang out and talk and have a great time. This also means though that we are often from different places so I don't really get to see them a lot and we don't really all get to hang out.
It's funny because my closests friends and my boyfriend all live in different towns, only one lives in the same town as me. One of my friends is even all the way across the country at college, so her and I don't get to talk much but we do email when we can to stay in touch, I do miss her and our long late night talks that lasted to 3 am.
My friend who lives in town here in town I will randomly drop by to see and just chill for a while. Another friend we mostly just text or talk on Skype sometimes. One other friend I have grown really close to lately. God just brought her in my life right when we needed each other. We send long emails to each other or will talk on Skype. We hope to start being able to hang out more, cause she is one of those friends I can have a real heart to heart talk with about everything. Our lives are very much a like which is kind of weird but really amazing too, cause it has helped us be able to help each other through whatever we are going to.
So yes, I thank God for my friends, He has brought them all into my life right at the time when I needed them. They have helped me grow and I don't know what I would do without them. My friends are competely amazing and I love them all.
Sarah
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Breaking Up is Hard
I've loved him for so many years, we've been so close that to saying goodbye to him now is going to hurt so much. You see our relationship has been a very complicated. Sometimes he is my best friend and the one who will stand by my side and keep me company. Then before I know it he turns around, slaps me in the face and tells me how I've messed the whole thing up. It's at those points I hate him and tell myself I am never going to go back to him again....then next thing I know it I'm right back in his arms. Sigh, it's a terrible mess I know and I should be quite ashamed of myself but you see I've known him for so many years it's really hard to just stop going back to him.
I guess I should tell you he is, so as to warn you to stay far away from him. Trust me he is tall, handsome, loving and always ready to hold you, but he is the complete oppisite on the inside. Well actually he is still tall, but tall and scary, with a mean face that scowls at you instead of smiles. Also he does still like to hold you, but more in the sense of holding you to the ground while he beats you over the head with something. I'm sure you all know him though, he has gotten around. His name is...Procrastination (Procrasty for short).
Yes, go ahead, hang your head in shame of me, I deserve it. I'm not really sure how it happened, just one day I realized that Procrasty and I had become much closer than we should have. Even now as I am sitting here writing this Procrasty is right beside me, because instead of sitting here writing about Procrastination I should be working on a research paper that's first draft is due next Wednesday. (Even now Procrasty is laughing in my ear getting ready to slap me.)
Don't worry I will be working on the research paper later this evening, hopefully to save myself before it's to late. I know I'm contradicting myself because here I am warning you that you should stay away from him and how I know better then to keep running back to him, yet here I am still sitting in his lap perfectly content. Soon if I'm not careful I shall pay for it all when he turn from being sweet and comfortable, into menacingly evil and painful.
Don't worry though because you will be very proud of me when I jump from his lap, slap him across the face and order him to leave my room immediately....just as soon as I get through writing this.
Yes, I know, I will try to learn my lesson this time and leave Procrasty now before he gets a chance to hit me again. I still hopefully have time to undo the damage that our relationship has already created, but I see a lot of serious praying for writers block removal and late nights at my laptop in my future.
Sarah
I guess I should tell you he is, so as to warn you to stay far away from him. Trust me he is tall, handsome, loving and always ready to hold you, but he is the complete oppisite on the inside. Well actually he is still tall, but tall and scary, with a mean face that scowls at you instead of smiles. Also he does still like to hold you, but more in the sense of holding you to the ground while he beats you over the head with something. I'm sure you all know him though, he has gotten around. His name is...Procrastination (Procrasty for short).
Yes, go ahead, hang your head in shame of me, I deserve it. I'm not really sure how it happened, just one day I realized that Procrasty and I had become much closer than we should have. Even now as I am sitting here writing this Procrasty is right beside me, because instead of sitting here writing about Procrastination I should be working on a research paper that's first draft is due next Wednesday. (Even now Procrasty is laughing in my ear getting ready to slap me.)
Don't worry I will be working on the research paper later this evening, hopefully to save myself before it's to late. I know I'm contradicting myself because here I am warning you that you should stay away from him and how I know better then to keep running back to him, yet here I am still sitting in his lap perfectly content. Soon if I'm not careful I shall pay for it all when he turn from being sweet and comfortable, into menacingly evil and painful.
Don't worry though because you will be very proud of me when I jump from his lap, slap him across the face and order him to leave my room immediately....just as soon as I get through writing this.
Yes, I know, I will try to learn my lesson this time and leave Procrasty now before he gets a chance to hit me again. I still hopefully have time to undo the damage that our relationship has already created, but I see a lot of serious praying for writers block removal and late nights at my laptop in my future.
Sarah
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Comfy Clothes, Running, and Evil Mornings
Today I'm wearing no makeup, some baggy shorts, an old T-shirt and my hair is just pulled back. It's a very casual day, I have no where to go so I'm just chilling at home. I normally like having places to go every day but every once in a while it's nice to be able to just lounge around at home. I can be all relaxed (well as relaxed as you can get with a bunch of school books) and not be worried about how I look.
Sure I like to get dressed up and put on make up and all that good stuff and go out and have fun with friends, but we can all - especially me, get caught up in "looks". So it's nice to remind myself to not worry about all of that stuff and just put on whatever is most comfortable. Sure I wouldn't wear my baggy camo pants when going to the mall with friends cause I don't want to give off a sloppy impression but when I'm just around the house? Yes bring on the baggy pants. :)
I'm always seeing commercials about how to make ourselves look better, with new exercise machines, latest fashions and new "perfect looking" make up. Seriously it would get quite tiring if you actually tried to do all they said to do to be "perfect"....sigh.
Also this morning I went running. I have been trying to remember to do it every morning but I have been lazy the past few days and haven't done it. You see I am not a morning person at all, to me getting up at 7 AM is early, 6 AM is just absolutely crazy, and those of you out there who claim to get up at 5 in the morning? Let me just go ahead and tell you that 5 AM is not morning, it is still night time. God didn't mean for us to be up at 5 cause He doesn't even have the sun get up that early.
So yes back to running; my alarm went off at 8:30 but I hit the snooze a few times which meant I didn't actually get outside until 9 to start my running. Since I got an iPod for Christmas going running hasn't been as boring since it gives me something to listen to. Since I run here on our property our dog Max always runs with me. Max is nice to run with cause he keeps me company except for when he is super excited (like this morning) and is bouncing everywhere and is constantly almost running into me or pushing me off the path. Max weighs about 70 lbs so when he runs into you, you feel it.
But after I ran/walked (yes I'm out of shape don't judge me) for about 20 min. I took a shower and then I think I was finally awake. Though I am proud of myself for making it out there and I do feel much better now that it's all over, so I guess it was all worth it.
Though if I wake up tomorrow and I'm sore and walking around like an old lady I will not be happy.
Sarah
Sure I like to get dressed up and put on make up and all that good stuff and go out and have fun with friends, but we can all - especially me, get caught up in "looks". So it's nice to remind myself to not worry about all of that stuff and just put on whatever is most comfortable. Sure I wouldn't wear my baggy camo pants when going to the mall with friends cause I don't want to give off a sloppy impression but when I'm just around the house? Yes bring on the baggy pants. :)
I'm always seeing commercials about how to make ourselves look better, with new exercise machines, latest fashions and new "perfect looking" make up. Seriously it would get quite tiring if you actually tried to do all they said to do to be "perfect"....sigh.
Also this morning I went running. I have been trying to remember to do it every morning but I have been lazy the past few days and haven't done it. You see I am not a morning person at all, to me getting up at 7 AM is early, 6 AM is just absolutely crazy, and those of you out there who claim to get up at 5 in the morning? Let me just go ahead and tell you that 5 AM is not morning, it is still night time. God didn't mean for us to be up at 5 cause He doesn't even have the sun get up that early.
So yes back to running; my alarm went off at 8:30 but I hit the snooze a few times which meant I didn't actually get outside until 9 to start my running. Since I got an iPod for Christmas going running hasn't been as boring since it gives me something to listen to. Since I run here on our property our dog Max always runs with me. Max is nice to run with cause he keeps me company except for when he is super excited (like this morning) and is bouncing everywhere and is constantly almost running into me or pushing me off the path. Max weighs about 70 lbs so when he runs into you, you feel it.
But after I ran/walked (yes I'm out of shape don't judge me) for about 20 min. I took a shower and then I think I was finally awake. Though I am proud of myself for making it out there and I do feel much better now that it's all over, so I guess it was all worth it.
Though if I wake up tomorrow and I'm sore and walking around like an old lady I will not be happy.
Sarah
Monday, February 28, 2011
One of Those Days
Have you ever had one of those days when you know someone is mad at you but they don't say anything? Around other people they act all happy but, when they are around you the arctic winds begin to blow. Well that is my day today, plus it is raining so the weather matches my mood.
I always wish that if someone was mad at me they would go and tell me now instead of later. Of course if they are never going to talk with me about it, then I am quite alright with them never telling me at all. It's that whole thing of not knowing, like when you were a kid and would get in trouble but your parents wouldn't tell you your punishment. So now you are distracted for the rest of the day, and spend the whole night laying in your bed wondering what terrible fate they have in store for you. Also if someone ever expects me to be productive while wondering if I'm in trouble or not, or wondering about my punishment...well they can forget it cause that wont be happening.
I don't see how I'm supposed to concentrate on reading about Zeus, when my mind is to busy worried about my future to read about the past - and about fake gods for that matter. Sadly they are going to be of no help to me, so I end up sitting and waiting with a book in my hand, hoping to look like I have it together and am deeply involved with Zeus while my insides are freaking out.
Yes today, this is what my day was slightly like, only a small part of it though. Yes I still believe someone is mad at me or at least stressed out so as not wanting to talk with me, but don't worry it's ok, I will move on. Yes I am one of those people who desperately wants everyone to like me, sadly that will never completely be the case but it's something I must work on...sigh.
Well I've got God with me so I can ask Him about it, and for now I guess I will go back to reading about good old (well not so good but still old) Zeus.
Sarah
I always wish that if someone was mad at me they would go and tell me now instead of later. Of course if they are never going to talk with me about it, then I am quite alright with them never telling me at all. It's that whole thing of not knowing, like when you were a kid and would get in trouble but your parents wouldn't tell you your punishment. So now you are distracted for the rest of the day, and spend the whole night laying in your bed wondering what terrible fate they have in store for you. Also if someone ever expects me to be productive while wondering if I'm in trouble or not, or wondering about my punishment...well they can forget it cause that wont be happening.
I don't see how I'm supposed to concentrate on reading about Zeus, when my mind is to busy worried about my future to read about the past - and about fake gods for that matter. Sadly they are going to be of no help to me, so I end up sitting and waiting with a book in my hand, hoping to look like I have it together and am deeply involved with Zeus while my insides are freaking out.
Yes today, this is what my day was slightly like, only a small part of it though. Yes I still believe someone is mad at me or at least stressed out so as not wanting to talk with me, but don't worry it's ok, I will move on. Yes I am one of those people who desperately wants everyone to like me, sadly that will never completely be the case but it's something I must work on...sigh.
Well I've got God with me so I can ask Him about it, and for now I guess I will go back to reading about good old (well not so good but still old) Zeus.
Sarah
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